Weekly Musing - Stephanie

Light Switch Moment -

It is a stunning moment when God reveals more Truth to my heart!

I had one of those revelations just this morning as our GLOKC Team was ending a chapter discussion in Aundi Kolber's book, Strong Like Water.

I had come to our group with a racing mind, preoccupied with a later task that is always dysregulating to me. Dysregulating, because it has to do with helping a person that I do not feel emotionally safe around.

My first request of Bonnie, our discussion group leader, was for a grounding exercise which I knew would help me calm down, be centered and become fully present in the moment. She is so gifted in resourcing.

I have discovered my tendency to shut down emotionally and not feel fully myself when subject to certain stressors. This helps me "float" through triggering situations in "witness" mode as opposed to "with-ness"/being fully present.

It's a kind of separating from self in order to get through an unpleasant experience which has been described as disconnecting or disassociating. This takes me out of present "I/me" mode into a 3rd person-like "she/her" mode.

It is a survival mechanism that filters out strong emotions and replaces them temporarily in neutral so as to emotionally protect and not have to feel. This is extremely draining and often results in fuzziness and fatigue.

But Abba so graciously revealed to me today that my identity in Him is the same identity that Jesus has with Him as His Abba/Father. I am completely one in and with Christ who is completely One with Abba and Holy Spirit. I am fully integrated with them. I am fully embodied by them. I am a whole person, fully present and fully connected to them--Father, Son and Holy Spirit. This Oneness, this Union, provides protection, safety, identity, Truth, centering, presence. wholeness, healing, peace, comfort, rest, joy... God dwells/encamps in me! He transforms my being into being freely and fully me! I am no longer a fragmented "she/her" witnessing life happening around me. I am able to fully engage in life now and am forever a whole new joyful, grace-filled being living Kingdom identity as me!??